CAN I BE MARRIED ALREADY: Musings of a single Christian (not-so-young) girl

CHAPTER 1

HELP!!! I’M STILL SINGLE :Understanding the value of embracing our singleness

Nne said to ask when you and Ifeanyi will bring your husbands. she says she wants to tie gele oo.”

That was my aunt, my mum’s younger sister and my cousin Ifeanyi’s mum. Nne, is the igbo word for mother but it’s also the my maternal grandmother’s pet name.

I’m a month older than Ifeanyi, you wouldn’t know that just by looking at us (OK, that’s a story for another time) but yes we’re both still single and waiting for God’s gift of a mate.

But as we wait and live our lives the best way we know how, we can’t avoid the comments from well-meaning family and friends who quiz us incessantly about when we would be inviting them to our wedding.

Let’s not forget the nosey church members and married co-workers who stylishly jab at us by saying:

“Oh, you can’t understand what we’re talking about until you get married. ”

or (usually referring to the guys)

“How can you be putting on so much weight when you’re not married? Who is feeding you?” or

“You better get married and settle down.”

or for the ladies,

“What’s all this nonsense you’re doing, trying to get a Master’s degree and renting your own apartment? Don’t start living in such a way as to intimidate men ooo.”

And the list goes on.

But while we’re constantly bombarded with questions like these alongside other cultural messages that insinuate we aren’t complete because we haven’t found a mate or aren’t meant to enjoy our lives UNTIL we find a mate, we must look to God’s word to find out what it says about his expectations of us and this unique season of our lives.

What it means to be single

So God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God he created them, male and female

He created them.” (Gen 1:27NLT).

The creator himself created each of us as single individuals first.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word “single” means (among other things), “not married” or “consisting of a separate unique whole”. But let’s take a closer look at the meaning of each word in the phrase above so we can better understand singleness.

Separate: means to ‘to set or keep apart’

Unique: means ‘being the only one

Whole: means to be ‘free of defect or impairment/physically sound or healthy/mentally or emotionally sound’

Putting all the above together we can now say that a truly single person is a mentally and emotionally sound unique individual created by God and set apart for a unique assignment.

But for the Christian there’s more.

Colossians 2:10(NLT) tells us:

“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”

As Christians our completeness or sense of it should not be tied to having a spouse or being wanted by another human but from our understanding and appreciation of who we are and what we have become because we are IN Christ.

Two truths and one lie about being single according to scripture

We’ll start with the truths;

  • Singleness is a high calling:
  • Singleness has its advantages: 

Now the lie:

  • Singleness is second best:

 

*coversface this is all I have written so far. I’ve got notes littered on my computer but I don’t want to hurt your eyes with it.

My promise

I promise to post updates of the book every Wednesday until I’m done!

But before then below are some of my proposed chapter title 😉

  • TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY: The purpose of and proper timing for marriage
  • WHEN SELF DOUBT COMES KNOCKING: What to do when no suitor seems to be approaching or no sister seems to “feel” you. 
  • HOW (NOT) TO WAIT: Here’s what you should be doing with this season of your life. 
  • SEXUAL PURITY AND THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE : Lord I have all these feelings how do you expect me to remain pure?
  • DEALING WITH THE ENVY: Overcoming the temptation to hate others for having what I want
  • PRETTY IN PINK. BOLD IN BLUE: Both genders need to do their homework

 

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CAN I BE MARRIED ALREADY: Musings of a single Christian (not-so-young) girl.

INTRODUCTION

I ought to have been married between my 24th and 26th birthday. That’s of course according to my plans and prayers. But as I write this I’m 28 and still unmarried. Obviously God didn’t get the memo or he decided to ignore it.

I’m sure you know that last line was a joke but to be honest, I’ve felt that way sometimes.

And I know I’m not alone.

So a midst the voices that may claim I’m not qualified to write this, either because I’m still single (yes some believe only a married person should be giving counsel in this area) or because I’m not a very mature single – 40 years old or older (my definition), I’ve gone ahead to write this because I know many people will be blessed and greatly encouraged by it.

I mean, who better to encourage another than one who walks the same road that you walk, facing similar pressures and temptations as you do and hasn’t cracked under the weight of such pressures. But more importantly, it’s not my experiences or testimony that’ll ultimately make a difference in your life but God’s word. For His word which is THE TRUTH has the answer to every of life’s questions and it’s never a waste to share his truth with others whether we have personally experienced it or not.

Remember …..

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” 

(2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT)

…..including the good work of being a purpose-driven, fruitful and joyful single.

So, if you’re a single adult who’s been single longer than they hoped, dreamed or even prayed, consider this book a gift from God to you.

I have written this in the hopes that it would help us both – yes, you and I, see this season of our lives through the eyes of our heavenly father. I have also written it to warn against the dangers of giving in to fear and desperation when we face what we may consider a delay in entering into what we hope will be the next season of our lives i.e. marriage.

But lest I get ahead of myself, I’ll just end here by saying, I’m thrilled that you’re reading this and I hope you’ll share this book with every single Christian adult you know.

I celebrate you!!

CHAPTER 1: HELP!!!! I’M STILL SINGLE

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NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #24: No Condemnation

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Dear New Creation,

No more condemnation.

Genesis 3:7 NLT
[7] At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

The first thing that visibly took place for Adam and Eve after their indiscretion, was condemnation. This condemnation didn’t come because they were punished. It came right from the inside. It was one of the first spiritual effects of separation from God. The first step to death is condemnation.

Condemnation came into the world and brought with it disease, guilt, depression, psychosis, fear and it even reduced the life span of man. Condemnation takes away power to believe God or to be in faith. Condemnation stops you from accepting love. Both from man and from God. It cripples the spirit from receiving anything good, because it accepts the fact that it deserves bad.

Do you notice that Adam and Eve did not even beg God? They actually felt they deserved the punishment. Even Cain who was the first murderer protested his punishment. But the first man was so ashamed he became tongue tied to request for forgiveness.

Today condemnation is still manifesting itself in so many ways. Even amongst Christians. We see those who are the healed of The Lord, refusing to accept healing because they feel they can’t receive it after what they have done. New creation folks running around with issues that the word has dealt with. They don’t use what is at their disposal because they feel ashamed.

Churches are encouraging people to confess their pasts openly. To speak out their mistakes for all to hear. This they claim is to help them heal. This my friends has never dealt with the issue of condemnation. In fact it always makes it worse. They may feel good for a while but eventually someone will point your past to you again and the cycle begins.

Psychiatrists have tried to deal with condemnation. Prescribing drugs for depression. Both the church and the doctor have tried to counsel people out of fear, guilt and depression. But to no avail. All they provide are temporary measures.

You cannot deal with a spiritual issue by physical means. Confession of sin, counseling and anti depressants will not affect your spirit. They will only place ate the mind. Condemnation is spiritual.

Then comes Jesus. The only licensed practitioner of spiritual healing. To do away with the effects of the first man’s transgression. See what the word says.

Romans 5:16 NLT
[16] And the result of God’s gracious gift is very different from the result of that one man’s sin. For Adam’s sin led to condemnation, but God’s free gift leads to our being made right with God, even though we are guilty of many sins.

Is it not amazing. Do you notice that the cure Jesus brings deals with condemnation even though we are guilty of many sins!!! The writer of Romans was so ecstatic about this work that he finally had to say,

Romans 8:1-2 NLT
[1] So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. [2] And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.

New creation, you are not condemned. Not anymore. You don’t have to live with the guilt. You are free from it. This is a gift of God to you in Christ. As you look to who Christ has made you, what counseling couldn’t do begins to take place. What the doctor couldn’t cure begins to be healed.

Simply look to Jesus and declare “there is no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus”.  “I am free from the powers of condemnation. I am free in Christ. I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus!”

Stay Victorious!
Adeoluwa

WRITTEN BY: ADEYEMI ADEOLUWA

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“Have you ever been tempted to feel condemned after doing

Something you felt displeased God? What helped you overcome

That feeling of condemnation & unworthiness towards God?

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NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #23: Victorious Creation

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Dear New Creation,

1 Corinthians 15:57 KJV
[57] But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

A lie has been sold to the believer that he needs to do something to obtain victory over the enemy. The present truth of the new creation is that we are not struggling to win, we are winners already.

Colossians 2:15 AMP
[15] God disarmed the principalities and powers that were ranged against us and made a bold display and public example of them, in triumphing over them in Him and in it the cross.

The language of this text is past tense. What God has done through Jesus we need not do again. Or else we think there was something left over we need to finish. Or God did an incomplete job. No, Jesus wrought a tremendous victory through his sacrifice.

Jesus did not need the victory over satan. Satan can’t storm heaven where he is. He obtained the victory for you.

Matthew 28:18 NLT
[18] Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth.

To fight a war that has already been won is to battle shadows. But we are told “we wrestle not against flesh and blood”. So surely we wrestle. Of course we wrestle! But this fighting was never meant to be for victory. It’s a fight from victory. It’s a fight to continually remember that they are defeated and can no longer harm you. So the bible calls it the fight of faith.

1 Timothy 6:12 KJV
[12] Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.

The fight of faith is a labour to enter into the victory Jesus has wrought for the new creature. If you continually remember the enemy Is defeated, all you do is resist and confess his defeat to enforce his defeat. It’s too simple it’s often missed.

1 Peter 5:8-9 KJV
[8] Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: [9] Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.

When next the enemy chooses any part of your life to come roaring like a lion, remind him of what happened when he was humiliated by Jesus. That’s all the victory you need.

Colossians 2:15 MSG
[15] He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets.

Can you imagine a naked and defeated devil tormenting you? New creation, you are victorious!!

Stay Victorious!
Adeoluwa

 

NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #22: The Righteousness of God

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Dear New Creation.

2 Corinthians 5:21 AMP
[21] For our sake He made Christ virtually to be sin Who knew no sin, so that in and through Him we might become endued with, viewed as being in, and examples of the righteousness of God what we ought to be, approved and acceptable and in right relationship with Him, by His goodness.

Don’t act like that scripture does not exist in the bible. It’s one of those scriptures that is too good to be true. That’s why I gave you in the amplified version, to further amplify the goodness (lol).

Under the old covenant, men with limited righteousness dared to use God’s ability. How much more we who have received of his fullness! Theirs was based on the sacrifice of animals. Ours is based on the sacrifice of God.

Yet we view ourselves through the glasses of the old covenant creature. Covenants have changed and realities are different now.

Moses had the righteousness of a servant yet he brought a mighty civilization to submission. Joshua had the righteousness of a servant, yet he subdued the solar system. Elijah had the justification of a servant and he dominated nature. Elisha had the justification of a servant and his bones resurrected the dead.

All these men and many more, had access to the ability of God temporarily because of their limited righteousness. But we being born of the spirit and having the very nature of God, his righteousness, have the ability abiding with us.

Acts 1:8 AMP
[8] But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends (the very bounds) of the earth.

I am now the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. You are now the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. You have access to his ability unlimited, what will you do with it?

God Bless You!
Adeoluwa

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NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #21: Flawless Masterpiece

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Dear New Creation,

Ephesians 2:10 NLT
[10] For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

The new creation is flawless. So beautiful. So pristine. Holy and sanctified. Not a future event but a present reality. Then finally sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, so you remain like that.

Ephesians 1:13 KJV
[13] In whom ye also trusted , after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,

You are the workmanship of God and you are perfect, a masterpiece of creation. Do you act imperfectly, of course!! But the fact that a monkey can use a tool and walk on two limbs does not make a monkey human. Your nature is flawless and that is what God is concerned with.

And people ask of what becomes their past. The word  says it’s gone. If it’s gone, let it remain gone. In heaven, there is no more a record of your past. It’s been erased like it never existed. In fact, what past are you talking about.

Isaiah 43:25 NLT
[25] “I-yes, I alone-will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.

If God can’t remember your past, to whom does it count again? All the devil has is a lie. Also remember this. Whatever the devil did in your life, God is able to make your life look like the devil never got there. He’s not the opposite of the devil, he is Lord over even satan. Therefore whatever went wrong in your past, God’s power will obliterate the finger print of the enemy.

Finally you agree that at the saying of the sinners prayer, you became a saint. But now you are “staining your white robes” and “spoiling your salvation”. What do you do? Nothing! Look to Jesus. It’s in him you are and it’s him the father sees. He’s the sacrifice for your misdeeds, now and forever. You couldn’t do anything to become this masterpiece, hence your feeble deeds will not maintain it. It’s Jesus that maintains it.

Hebrews 10:17-18 NLT
[17] Then he says, “I will never again remember their sins and lawless deeds.” [18] And when sins have been forgiven, there is no need to offer any more sacrifices.

Take the weight of condemnation of your shoulders. This flawless nature we have been made, gives us boldness to confront satan. It gives us boldness to enter heaven and gives us boldness to walk in dominion on the earth.

God Bless You!
Adeoluwa

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NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #20: Accepted and Loved

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Dear New Creation,

Ephesians 1:6 KJV
[6] To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

You are the object of God’s love. Christ is his beloved. The son he loves. To be called the new creation, you must be in Christ. Little wonder that Paul was moved to write the words above; we are accepted in the beloved.

God accepts you because he accepts his son. You are in him, so you are accepted. Forever! God loves you and made this way for you to be forever accepted by him. The only condition under which you can be rejected is if you were outside the beloved.

If only we could see how deep and wide this love is. It’s ferocious and obsessive. So obsessive that he gave his son while we were yet old creation folks. How much more obsessive is this love after we become new creation!

This love that God has for us is passionate and full of life giving force. It obliterates fear, pain, and condemnation. It triumphs over all the ills of our lives and brings us into the realms of faith. This love is so beautiful and guess what? It’s ever-lasting!!!
Lasting forever!

Can u drift out of this love and become rejected? No. For that to happen, this scripture will have to be broken.

Romans 8:35,38-39 NLT
[35] Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? ……

[38] And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. [39] No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Finally Paul writes that if you understand this immense and intense love of the father, you will never contemplate defeat ever again. You will never think in terms of a loss. In every aspect of your life, this consciousness of the fathers love will make you invincible.

Romans 8:37 NLT
[37] No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

Can u imagine the new creation losing in life with such a powerful backing? Not at all. The father loves you and the father finds you acceptable.

God Bless You!
Adeoluwa

 

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MIDE’s DIARY: Day 15 of 30

 

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Tuesday June 2nd

Their eyes lock, he winks & she flirts back at him. He winks again & she blushes. He gets the message & walks towards her as she flips her hair, straightens out her dress and lowers her head. And at the very moment he steps in front of her, their lips lock & then their love story begins.

That’s the way the story goes in Hollywood, isn’t it? That kiss is the ultimate sign of their eternal love.

ALERT! I don’t agree with Hollywood one bit.

9:45pm
Had watched like 3 different soaps on Telemundo back to back when I caught myself thinking something I really think I ought not to have been thinking.

I think I just caught myself dwelling on the thought of what it’ll be like to kiss bae for the first time. Oh Lord please forgive me.

To have such a thought briefly flash in your mind, is one thing.

To dwell on the thought & ponder on it is yet another. Dwelling on the thought gives it life. As in, it kind of puts you in a place where you’re mentally rehearsing for the part🙈😐

There are a lot more productive things I & bae can do with our lips at this stage of our relationship other than kissing

Hey wait a minute. I’m not saying all this with a ‘holier-than-thou‘ attitude. No! It’s just like Ifeoma said in her video- will it be ungodly to kiss bae before we’re married?‘ I’m just a gurl who’s gotten into trouble in times past cos I failed to reign in my thoughts and allowed them to run wild until GBAM the unthinkable happened 😱😳😁

That one is a gist for another time.

Summary of today’s gist. I think all these sexy, steamy scenes on Telemundo are taking their toll on my thought life. Ama have to do something about that, quickly.

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Written by: Ayomide Page

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NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #18: Blessed Not Cursed

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Dear New Creation,

Every church you find people who have come into Christ, coming out to pray against family curses. Based on the word, is the new creature cursed? Or can he come under a curse? The word says no!

You cannot be under a family curse when you have switched families and the new creation is properly situated in a new family.

Ephesians 3:14-15 KJV
[14] For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, [15] Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,

New creation, you are of this family. In our family there are no family curses, only family blessings. You cannot be inside and outside at the same time ( simple and deep). You are either outside or inside. That settles it. You’re either blessed or cursed. Thanks be to the father, the new creation is blessed eternally. How do I know? See this,

Ephesians 1:3 NLT
[3] All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.

What of the family I’m coming from?
2 Corinthians 5:17 says the you that belonged to that old family is dead. Expired. Turned to nothingness. This new you is fresh, untainted and un-cursed.The bloodline of this new family you are in is stronger than any blood ties you may have with your earthly family because it is founded on the blood of Jesus Christ. Of course people say a witch can curse you. How?

Numbers 23:23 NLT
[23] No curse can touch Jacob; no magic has any power against Israel. For now it will be said of Jacob, ‘What wonders God has done for Israel!’

It was an impossible task under the old covenant. New creation you are under the new covenant. Paul says this covenant is better because it contains the old benefits and even greater ones. You’re “un-curse-able”!!!!! Finally we come to the fact that believers think they can do something to earn a curse.

Well this is the best news. Are you ready?

new creation

Galatians 3:13 NLT
[13] But Christ has rescued us from the curse pronounced by the law. When he was hung on the cross, he took upon himself the curse for our wrongdoing. For it is written in the Scriptures, “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree.”

Everything you can do to obtain a curse, is under the law of right and wrong doing. But on the cross, Christ absorbed it all. He timelessly became an eternal curse for all you can do or not do. So what happens now that the curse is absorbed by him?

Galatians 3:14 NLT
[14] Through Christ Jesus, God has blessed the Gentiles with the same blessing he promised to Abraham, so that we who are believers might receive the promised Holy Spirit through faith.

This is mind blowing goodness. Now all we need to do is stop canceling curses that have been cancelled and receive the blessing by faith. You are forever blessed!

God Bless You!
Adeoluwa

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NEW CREATION MYSTERIES #16: Things Have Changed!!!

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Dear New Creation,

2 Corinthians 5:17 AMP
[17] Therefore if any person is ingrafted in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old previous moral and spiritual condition has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!

Things have changed! You are not the same person. The core of you is reborn. In the image of God it is recreated. In the perfection of divinity you have been forged. You are in Christ, and the old has been obliterated. It’s been rendered extinct. Exciting adventures await you as a new creation. Power of divinity at work in you and through you.

You are the pinnacle of creation. The “New” creation!! Everything Jesus did on the earth was to lead to you. The plan God hatched right from the garden of Eden was fulfilled the moment you became a new creation. This is the greatest miracle ever.

Nothing beats this. The dead have been raised physically but the new creation is the resurrection from the dead of the spiritually dead. Bodies may be healed of disease but the new creation has been healed of sin and all the effects of sin permanently. People can be delivered but the new creation has been delivered and translated to a place of dominion. Nothing has ever existed as glorious as this creation of God and nothing will ever supersede this new creation. This is you I am speaking of!!!

Over the next few weeks I’ll share with in more depth than I have done, about the blessedness of what Christ has made you. We will look into the perfect law of liberty that is the word and see what we are now legally, so that we will partake of it vitally. Don’t miss a post!

Let me leave you with this word. You are not an anomaly. Not a mistake or an after thought. You are the most planned of all of God’s creations. The entire bible details the plan of salvation and the point of the plan is you. That in Christ Jesus god might have a first born from the dead. We that are in Christ are together with him firstborns and the end result of heavens master plan.

Declare it proudly every time you remember it. I am a new creation in Christ Jesus and my reality has changed. See you tomorrow.

God Bless You!
Adeoluwa

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