HELP!!! I’M STILL SINGLE :Understanding the value of embracing our singleness
“Nne said to ask when you and Ifeanyi will bring your husbands. she says she wants to tie gele oo.”
That was my aunt, my mum’s younger sister and my cousin Ifeanyi’s mum. Nne, is the igbo word for mother but it’s also the my maternal grandmother’s pet name.
I’m a month older than Ifeanyi, you wouldn’t know that just by looking at us (OK, that’s a story for another time) but yes we’re both still single and waiting for God’s gift of a mate.
But as we wait and live our lives the best way we know how, we can’t avoid the comments from well-meaning family and friends who quiz us incessantly about when we would be inviting them to our wedding.
Let’s not forget the nosey church members and married co-workers who stylishly jab at us by saying:
“Oh, you can’t understand what we’re talking about until you get married. ”
or (usually referring to the guys)
“How can you be putting on so much weight when you’re not married? Who is feeding you?” or
“You better get married and settle down.”
or for the ladies,
“What’s all this nonsense you’re doing, trying to get a Master’s degree and renting your own apartment? Don’t start living in such a way as to intimidate men ooo.”
And the list goes on.
But while we’re constantly bombarded with questions like these alongside other cultural messages that insinuate we aren’t complete because we haven’t found a mate or aren’t meant to enjoy our lives UNTIL we find a mate, we must look to God’s word to find out what it says about his expectations of us and this unique season of our lives.
What it means to be single
“So God created human beings in his own image.
In the image of God he created them, male and female
He created them.” (Gen 1:27NLT).
The creator himself created each of us as single individuals first.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word “single” means (among other things), “not married” or “consisting of a separate unique whole”. But let’s take a closer look at the meaning of each word in the phrase above so we can better understand singleness.
Separate: means to ‘to set or keep apart’
Unique: means ‘being the only one’
Whole: means to be ‘free of defect or impairment/physically sound or healthy/mentally or emotionally sound’
Putting all the above together we can now say that a truly single person is a mentally and emotionally sound unique individual created by God and set apart for a unique assignment.
But for the Christian there’s more.
Colossians 2:10(NLT) tells us:
“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”
As Christians our completeness or sense of it should not be tied to having a spouse or being wanted by another human but from our understanding and appreciation of who we are and what we have become because we are IN Christ.
Two truths and one lie about being single according to scripture
We’ll start with the truths;
- Singleness is a high calling:
- Singleness has its advantages:
Now the lie:
- Singleness is second best:
*coversface this is all I have written so far. I’ve got notes littered on my computer but I don’t want to hurt your eyes with it.
I promise to post updates of the book every Wednesday until I’m done!
But before then below are some of my proposed chapter title 😉
- TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY: The purpose of and proper timing for marriage
- WHEN SELF DOUBT COMES KNOCKING: What to do when no suitor seems to be approaching or no sister seems to “feel” you.
- HOW (NOT) TO WAIT: Here’s what you should be doing with this season of your life.
- SEXUAL PURITY AND THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE : Lord I have all these feelings how do you expect me to remain pure?
- DEALING WITH THE ENVY: Overcoming the temptation to hate others for having what I want
- PRETTY IN PINK. BOLD IN BLUE: Both genders need to do their homework
Thanks for reading the draft of my first book. Thanks!!
Now I’ll love to hear from you.
What topics would you love to be covered in this book?
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